It was a terrible break up back then and I saw him after all those years, hes divorced now for over a year, and he apologized for how awful he was and could we get together for dinner. But in the past few days something hasnt been right between us. Sometimes, however, arguments in relationships can a deeper meaning beneath them. In the beginning of the relationship he had told me he only gets along with girls because the guys in his school are incompetent and I do believe that he is more mature than most of the people at his school (by his school I do mean we go to different schools) he seemed sincerely sorry for the fact that he had to have me deal with the fact that his only companions were girls but I told him it was alright because it really truly was! Do I let him be & when he gets back to me try to understand what happened to him? A lot of his off time is on the xbox. Hum I found this interesting but still wondering what my role is and what I can ask for and whats too much or too little? Go off, take care of you. Im experiencing something like this with someone i am exclusively dating. I'm so proud of how youve been balancing everything lately under so much pressure. I'm feeling overwhelmed by my boyfriend. Who will win? "[They're] literally saying their partner is cluttering their mind, making them feel pressured and overwhelmed so they are essentially pulling back.". Instead Im going to wait for him to signal that hes ready to see me and then Ill admire and appreciate all of the good parts of him. As long as I know my role in this I can deal. I need some insight as to why he is obviously backing off?? I felt like he was being really weird, but didnt pay much attention to it because hes been so stressed out about his family. Happy semi-anniversary!! they talked and soon they attented the same college. I can totally relate to you. I saw what both of them meant. We hung up, and I began to worry again, I was still baffled as to what hes feeling. If she tries to reignite the flames and bring back the spark he just might give in eventhough he doesnt love her anymore. Actively withholding the truth of their thoughts and feelings can be a sign they just dont want to upset you. They dont have the decency to tell you that its over and this is the result. Should I just continue to let him be, and wait until he reaches out to me? I left and while walking away texted him saying how much I love him. I think accepting these stereotypes is damaging to a relationship and maintains an unhealthy status quo. Sending you all the good vibes today. We are close and talk about personal issues but I guess this is a big deal he did mention family. Rightly so. And some people are on a different page than you. Thanks for a great response and to the OP, good luck and hang in there! He is no longer signing the texts xo and has not said anything about getting together again. Everything in it just blew up on him so he started pulling away from me. jenny said no bc she didnt want to seem desprate. When he stares and I catch him a few times, he will either hold out the stare and I just look away or he will look away very quick. :-(. I have a 25 year old, his children are 11 and 17. I bring her up a lot and he had been patient in dealing with me. If your partner starts involving outside people into your fights, it's a possibility that they're not being completely transparent about their feelings. But add in the upcoming anniversary of his mothers death (which he flew home) + sick + longer hours at work. Even if your relationship survives the corrosive effect of judgment, it still suffers. Also my dads been having an affair on my mom so Ive been dealing with that, and its put stress on our relationship. That can lead to drain and resentment. He says Im putting him on the spot and that he always deals with things on his own but this was making me unhappy because in my last relationship all we did was tell each other what was bothering us and it was a bit of a shock to then be with someone who emotionally shut down and in essence was pushing me away and if Im honest I was worried it was also me that was making him unhappy and it go to a point where things were so bad between us that, thats all I asked him-if everything was okay, was he happy with me? We live about an hour and a half away from each other. He was such a sweetheart about it and would even ask me for permission if he wanted to hang out with a group of his friends (a group a girls) if they all planned to go out one night (I never asked him to do things like this he chose to ask all by himself, so it made me feel secure). It's basically a separation an emotional and physical timeout, a break." I'm so sorry for your loss. They make decisions for you. Please speak for yourself.". Upon learning the reason, I may be just fine and the conversation can end, but we cannot be shut out. To a T. Dump him! I fret with my friends & my mother. Im really weary of hearing let them have their space. She tried to move on with another guy but she just cant forget her ex (my bf). I guess the issue that I'm having is that I feel overwhelmed by my boyfriend's love for me. We had a great time, talked for hours, and both had the best kiss of our lives (exact words coming from his lips). We exchanged a few quick emails as to how we have been, and after he learned I was now divorced, he asked me to call him. The pull-aways out of blue only damage the relationship, trigger the insecurity of both parties and break the trust that you have built with each other over time. I cant ask my bf to cut contact with her. It is important but not that important right?) I dont know what came of his mothers procedure, I dont know if my BF left town to be with his parents. And he have things that troublle him and I really wish I could help him He will always hover around me and sometimes stand on his own (something he would do then we would both go up to each other the few months before) but I turn my back on it and I dont know why I am being like this, even when he tried to brush his body past mine , I looked at him like hes weird.- I dont want to lose him! We were together 9 1/2 months and then broke up because he thought too many people were interfering with our relationship. Finally, on that same note: Dont bring up his stresses or struggles hell bring them up himself if he wants to talk about them. I mentioned this to him and we seemed to come to some what of a resolution. Hes been pulling away for a couple weeks and has recently started going a day or two without texting me. He said Im not feeling well, sorry I have been out of commission and my phone was turned off temp, Im depressed and struggling with some things. Because he seemed happy the night before it happened. But it can . and mad. It is a constant battle and from what I understand and what Ive been experiencing, you have to be truly committed to stay the course as it can be heartbreaking and cause you to even experience depression. Thanks. Tell him he is a jerk and move on! He says he wasnt thinking about her before but because I kept pushing and pushing I have made him think about her a lot more. Tues he was in surgery cases all day at the hospital, I texted him mid morning saying I missed him and was thinking of him and he replied Hey babe, sick, been in long cases. Finally some common sense in the comment section! Things were going so well, and we've been officially together for 3 months now. Wont it be better to spend those time and energy thinking about how to make you two happy than thinking about his past? How can I support him and make sure he doesnt just end it? last night, saturday, I sent xoxo and now its sunday afternoon and I still have no idea what is going on. Now two days later, no texts back, ignoring my phone calls. Im with Amy, that IS being a grown-up, and a guy doesnt get off the hook because its a guy thing any more than I should get off the hook for, say, wanting to over-talk things just because Im a woman. The fact is: 99.9% of the men you date are not . I talked with him about my fears and insecurity regarding his ex and everything has been cleared up. Eric, I read this article and I just told him to take all the time he wanted, that I would be there in case he needed me. Much better to put your thoughts on the table clearly and succinctly IF thats your nature and IF you have the ability to speak so clearly. What I did was still text him once in two weeks. He tells me he has nothing to hide and that he feels like Im invading his privacy when I ask to look through it but it just makes me even more suspicious! He talked to me a great deal about my dad and really helped a lot, I didnt ask my boyfriend about the text because as we talked I forgot anything was wrong, and then I said alright Im going to bed, love you. You can do literally anything you set your mind to, and this is no different. I needed this bit of encouragement, hopefully my relationship will take a turn for the better in a while. . further away? I get exactly what I want their emotions are their problem. So I say I miss u and its been a long time.. did I make a mistake? I believe that a lot of the men the women have here been speaking about suffer from depression and not a simple case of feeling blue or feeling a bit sad. He probably is just in comfort zone & doesnt see anything wrong). In other words, "when they lose enthusiasm for events and suggest you roll solo, that's a sign [they may be] looking for an excuse to end it," Concepcion says. Misses his old one. You are so close to the finish line. Not everyone does well with that. Any advice will be much appreciated. I know he cares but is this just something new for me and thats why I got so excited and its starting to sizzle a little now that he is gone. I really need help so my year and i half bf has changed hes not caring anymore he always find a way to fight he even called me a liar i got sick but its like nothing did happen to me he changed completly hes been ignoring me for almost 2 month now and when i told he that hes being mean and bit of an as even though i didnt give up on him that i was eight and he said that he needed time that we need time im lost i dont know what to do i even want to break up with him even if i still love him help me anyone pls. but he still showed her affection.. however. sth like that. I will try to follow all this. I mean he is about to lose his house, business is underwater. So when he gets to come home. "If your partner is assuming that you are looking for an out, it could be because they themselves are looking for and out and they would like you to make the first move," Richardson says. I messaged him back calling him out on it, he did not reply. My boyfriend is going through a really tough time and he has flat out told me it is not me it is him. 1. After all issues and finally, the burial of this cousin is finished, he learns yet another family member has passed. I'd get my "good morning beautiful" text when I was at work, the "how is your day going?" message at lunch, and then we'd talk or see each other on most nights. Will it make me seem overprotective? You really do not need to worry about getting every last detail right in crafting the perfect, poignant text message to send. We love each other very much but lately, I have noticed a change in him. FYI, Im an excellent sounding board for venting. Help please :( what should I do? Things were going great until his personal life became really stressful. then she aksed him again. This article helped me a lot, I feel better and I appreciate it so much thanks :), How do I got about getting clarification on my situation? I think you have a good grasp and perspective on the situation, so Im not going to comment directly on it. help me decide. Before stumbling upon this article, I did like most, I took that as a sign of he didnt want to be bothered with me anymore and what have I done? Ive been stupid and I hate myself right now. These are some of the things he said.. Hes blocked me from all social media accounts except gor one. But idk what they are exactly Yes, i admit, ive taken it personal, because ive been more than kind and caring to him during this time. But I asked how I should feel if hes stressing out on something I keep on telling him hell achieve. Ever since then he has fought with me about her and refuses to talk about her when he brings up a story of him and her doing something that makes me feel uncomfortable. I just went through the same thing. Hi Eric, I have dilemmas here I hope you can voice out your opinion. While perhaps your partner is 100% happy-go-lucky, chances are if you dont really know whats going on in their lives (but they definitely know what is going on with you) this might be a sign that the relationship is not currently on equal footing, Colizza says. He can't control his emotions As much as defensiveness is an impulsive act of defense, it can be controlled. I noticed he started pulling away because he was barely calling me or texting me, he didnt want to hang out and when he was with me, he used to go quiet for long periods of time. It really bothers me that he seems so different then when I first met him. The pull back is so strong and I am starting to take it personal, this is someone who texted and called me 24/7, telling me how much he loves me and wants to marry me, to now almost nothing. Then on nov 2 his mother had a biopsy on her liver & lungs. I didnt realise that what he was not over was the child and that he felt he had lost one. I care about people, especially ones that I have started a history with. Its culturally accepted, which helps. For example, if your partner appears distant and seems to "shut down" during arguments, it could be a sign that the relationship is on the rocks. I cannot keep going on like this but I have no courage to go up to him, although I know nothing bad would happen but I am stubborn and think he should make the first move he is a guy! He just left for Kauai because he is a General Contractor and building a home there, will be gone for about month and a half.