I am happy and I have money in my name in caseI am left behind. Im tired of the game, the dance, the rollercoaster. Over all control of the money. My first calls to the police did not go well either until a policeman I met taught me about how to deal with the police if you want them on side. I did fall into withdrawing from him when it started to fail and now recognize that this may have been due to my own inability to love/TRUSTand my way of trying to yield a different result (aka control?) My advice, run! He is a little boy on the inside. They will say that you are the angry one and that you need help,and walk away full of selfrighteousness. He drew me back in, and then I found out at the same time he was softening me up and I was letting down my guard he was seeing and sleeping with an ex-girlfriend! Hi Carol Welcome! I would never trust another man anyhow so I stay put and just take it as it comes. My logical, intelligent brain struggles with this, no matter how much my heart is drawn to him. He will not hear me in that moment. 17) You accused me time and time again of cheating on you. He always states he should have been a lawyer because he knows how to argue/defendHe says this even in re to issues at work, he uses that statement whenever hes feeling like things arent going his way. He makes real good money but tells me he works his ass off for me because I quit my job and hurt us. and after everything they do we still crying for them?- there must be some personality traits that mirror ours. I am so relieved to read LadyJanes post (response no. Another common way for a narcissist's lack of accountability in relationships is to withhold from you as a form of punishment. Narcissists have a very low tolerance for anyone questioning or debating them. As we dont live together, but see us on a daily basis (working together), there is no chance to verify, what he is actually doing. (6) he steals my personal data and every photo I have ever had off of my cell phones I have never given him permission. Whats sad.my 9 year old is already showing narcissistic tendencies. I would like to approach him out of concern and not as a bully. It is very important if a partner of someone with NPD decides to leave that they already have a very good plan and have already established effective strategies to de escalate and manage the conflict. I have not heard anyone talk about sex on this website. Being stern long term will probably only result in you damaging your attachment. Which I did. How to hold a Narcissist accountable..Holding a Narcissist accountable requires having some type of leverage against them. He tries to manipulate me and I dont let him. I appreciate your concern but I can put you at easy because one thing that you are not aware of is that I am not and never have been afraid of him physically. I have just left a 10yr relationship with a Narcissist and I feel physically and mentally exhausted. I am serious..and I would love to hear your take. Ill set boundaries. Sorry to hear Joan. I see our old marriage counselor for trauma therapy and he said he feels my husband has anti-social personality disorder with narciccistic traits. Naturally being codependent I resolved that one and pretended all was fine but felt deeply hurt. Is it worth making then accountable for that? When I noticed them missing and asked you, you lied at first and then came to me later to tell me what you did. But women are usually the worst for believing every word he says. And i said to him (with tears but very cool): Do not ever do that again. Its pathetic and he totally blinds everyone what a user he is. Being home is so draining. them, promoting a sturdy stance for (empathically) holding the narcissist accountable. Carry in a recliner with me after I asked you to please help me because it was outside and it was about to rain and you refusing, while sitting on the bed eating pizza. MARIE, I have no problem supporting him to a degree that is part of a partnership but it has been VERY one sided. I insulted him, I judge him, I made his life miserable for some time. I cant thank you enough for all you do. so weve come to a better situation, but there is still alot to do. In hopes that others may see and be able to decide what is best for them. I have been married for 15 years with two kids with my husband. I cannot take any more. And since the consequences were triggered by events, there was no means for understanding through close communication. Stay calm and polite no matter how they react. Or is cutting off sex simply the same as threatening to leave him? That means I do as much as possible to surround myself with loving people, things I like to do, and time for myself to process everything in my life. I am only responsible for my self. As long as we feel the need for validation from them, we are still in that trap of hoping for real emotions and caring from these people, and there is nonejust more manipulation for their own gratification. How do you deal with no closure? : r/NarcissisticAbuse Pride kills humility. Working with a qualified mental health professional experienced in treating victims of abuse is important. I am still married and my husband and i are now really good friends so that had a happy ending. Typical forms of narcissistic supply include sex, power, control, one-sided relationships with no accountability, compliments, subservience, obedience, admiration, and other requirements unique. 12) While driving the old car you locked yourself out one day and violently damaged the car trying to break into it causing hundreds of dollars of damage, instead of calling me to give you a spare key or calling a locksmith. I would not stay next time he is cheating. Over, done. Sorry I dont have much time tonight please visit the page here , http://www.narcissismcured.com/12_Steps_to_End_the_Fights.html. 18) When I got a fever blister on my lip, because I had been so beyond stressed, you told me that women get it from sucking to much . Just a quick note to let you know that reading your material (every bit of it) and then putting it into practice has changed my marriage. However he keeps asking for more and then tries to blame me for having credit and being able to handle my finances as if it is my fault he cant handle his. Till I got my papers he was supposed to pay spousal support, court ordered. The ultimate problem within them is selfish pride. Also as far as a male role model he has blamed all the men at our church for our problems and we are now going to a different church whice actually has much older and stronger marriages, but will this work with someone he doesnt know very well to hold him accountable? Whatever you do you need to make sure you are safe. How to Hold a Narcissist Accountable - The Love Safety net Your idea may work but it may also be hard for you to make him carry through on when he gets home. Years later he still says it was all my fault and I made it all up. But I had disintegrated to such a point I had no fight or self belief left and ended up HAVING to leave suffocating and drowning in his dispair and the financial situation that we had as he would not work and earn. Ive been aware of his N personality for 10 years & actively working on me instead of trying to change him, for the past 3. He is also a huge sex addict and turns out he had a secret apt. Thank you so much for all your hard work in getting the word out about NPD/co-dependency and a way to work through a marriage and not just run away from it. Hi Pamela and welcome (-: Empathy is not going to help him but him coming face to face with reality will. Within weeks it deteriorated, he became intimidating, coercing, suddenly took over finances, isolated me in a new country etc. Then, after he left, I was right out of my mind, and nasty, until I started getting some help. Knowing that the trap exists, that one is a victim of a narcissist, is indeed the first step towards overcoming their effects on one's life. Hey Hazel You really need to work through the 10 Steps to Overcome Codependence and The Love Safety Net Workbook. But talk about a grieving process to realize that all that you thought was real love was not. I am so grateful for all the support I have received here in the USA and looking forward to passing on strength, compassion and support. I respect peoples choice to try to fix it, but more so i truelly feel you will be further dissapointed and utterly devestated dealing with these idiotic individuals. Doing so leads them to become frustrated or angry. We are about to meet up this Saturday night after not seeing each other for 3 weeks.. Hi Harrison and welcome I understand your feelings and hear that you are hurting. Pay attention to what your partner does more than what he or . Now we have to devide property, of course I dont deserve anything, I didnt do as I was told, had too much to say for myself, turned everyone against him and so it goes on and on. This can be extremely frustrating and took me a long time to learn how to deal with and I want to share what I have learned about dealing with this today. But Id love to hear him say he wanted to work on it again. Its perfect in every way. I have learned to be a very calm person and have set up healthy and stern boundaries for myself. I have just learned in the past few months about these disorders. You laid the facts straight out down the line without a hint of self-pity or confusion about your rights as an individual, or as a mother. When I speak up he makes me out to be the crazy one! I found out after many years that my father had these traits, and I dated several men over the years very much like him. What I am suggesting here is not about reasoning but action. I have been a believer and customer of yours for several years now. Women, for instance, go back to their abuser an average of seven times, even if she was the one who initiated the termination. I used to get sucked into the chaos and then anything I said or did was magnified. Thats what helped me get to safety. (felt he didnt love me and felt I didnt have a partner). You like to be sick. If I leave himhe will make mine and the kids lives a living hell!!! I have been reading your information for over two years. Booyah! Thank you. And I have no idea what to do with the business. This is painful stuff to deal with emotionally, spiritually and financially. Cannot yet share my own experience but am on a huge learning curve so am needing to understand more and recognise fully that the change needs to come from me: not only because I would like to have the NPD in my life understand the impact of his behaviour on me (and others) One thing I know is that until it hurts them more to be the way they are then to change, nothing, I mean nothing will change them. According to him, I must have been lying to the government and immigration, and even in court called me a bitch. They devalue you and criticize everything you do.
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