What does it tell you, Top?, Sgt: Well sir, it tells me that somebody stole our tent.. Best military jokes ever - Unijokes.com - 189 Military jokes The general discloses to a nearby major, "I'm worried that we don't have enough troops for the mission." The major replies, "I'm sorry, sir, but that seems like a personnel problem." #3. It was the arma-dragon. I then raised my hand and said how many of you pissed in it. Allow Necessary Cookies & Continue Top 24 Army Jokes and Military Humor | Les Listes Here are some classic Army and Navy jokes that are good G rated humor. After the 2-hour ride, the first thing I had to do upon arrival was to relieve myself. And some others fell to the ground quickly and. The OPODOR. -Crunchy. ", 98. Nothing Sir just seeing how high I can jump while on this manhole. My wife doesnt know what the inside of a whorehouse smells like.. Well I have. One day, I sent my baby one day to the Army. 24. 39. 72. Air Force: Will defeat the purpose of camouflage uniforms by putting blue and silver chevrons and colorful squadron patches all over them. By signing up you agree to our Terms of Service and Privacy Policy, MIGHTY NETWORKS, 2023 ALL RIGHTS RESERVED, How two military spouses are bringing faith to the military community. ", "No," they replied, "every few miles down the interstate we saw signs that said, 'Exit, Clean Restrooms'. Q: Why doesnt Army have ice on the sidelines during games? The soldier smiled and said, Sure were a lot of em, huh, sir?. (Pilot Jokes & Plane Jokes) Army soldiers can't comprehend the 6-foot social distancing requirement But everyone in the Navy can fathom it. Have some great Army jokes to share? 53. When you got to your first point you were to attach the cem light to the stake and light it for our night land nav course later on. force are all represented. A degree. I once heard that the German soldiers only ever liked one specific kind of pastry. The Recon Marine jumps out of a plane, parachutes into the ocean, disconnecting the chute before hitting the water and fins to the beach. 63. This is standard West Point and Annapolis heckling, but the goes well beyond the service academies and reach into the regular Army and Navy, among pilots, special forces, and other units as well. 80. Who in the Army uses the bathroom the most? Sep 4, 2019 - Explore Laura Jane's board "BootCamp quotes and jokes" on Pinterest. Navy: Fires off 50 cruise missiles from various types of ships, kills snake and makes presentation to Senate Appropriations Committee on how Naval forces are the most cost-effective means of anti-snake Force projection. Military Jokes: Laugh Your Way to Tougher Times This - SOFREP #BeatArmy, When your branch sails the high seas to bring the Marine Corps to fight with the Army. All it needed was Apache. The next morning we were sitting around and someone said Man I fell in the creek last night going to a point. Looks like they just won Halloween too. With no cover in the desert, I announced my intention, asked her to turn around, went behind the Jeep, and proposed that if she also had to go, I would be a gentleman and turn my back for her. That's why in the Navy, the captain goes down with the ship. 23. Military Jokes - NO banner ads! 21. A: Third grade. 4. What do you call a snail aboard a ship? He shouted, "Ah shoot.". The medical officer arrived and instructed the chief to drop em, which he did. A general calls a colonel: - Do you have a couple of smart majors? Search over 2,951,306 registered Veterans. ARMY said "I would throw a boot at it." Army soldiers cant comprehend the 6-foot social distancing requirement. 79. 20. Q: What so you call a snail on a ship? What do you get when you drop a piano on an Army officer? Military Jokes - Boot Camp & Military Fitness Institute Brooms can be great army officers since they can easily perform good sweeps. He doesn't like talking about it. All you idiots fall out." As the rest of the squad wandered away, one soldier remained at attention. Navy: Will not wear camouflage uniforms, they do not camouflage you on a ship. So I had to don my gas mask and MOPP suit before setting out with a 1/4 mile spool of phone wire. We recommend that these ideas are used as inspiration, that ideas are undertaken with appropriate adult supervision, and that each adult uses their own discretion and knowledge of their children to consider the safety and suitability. What form does everyone in the Army have? . This article contains incorrect information, This article doesnt have the information Im looking for, 40 Best Trombone Jokes And Puns That Don't Blow. The stupid branch is the army probably is the Knavies. What would you do if a sudden storm sprang up on the starboard?. An Airman and a Marine walk into the restroom at the same time. He described it as a real hectic evening. 17. (Senior Master Sgt . Marine: Kills snake by accident while looking for souvenirs. The military is a collection of all the armed forces of a particular country (The army, navy, air-force, and other security branches). -The jet stops whining once you turn the engine off. When you visit the site, Dotdash Meredith and its partners may store or retrieve information on your browser, mostly in the form of cookies. animal. Attention! Trash-talking is all fun and games but every single man on the field would sacrifice it all for his country. Choose from military jokes such as army jokes, navy jokes and marine jokes that will bring out the military humor in the most serious sergeants. Table Of Contents [ show] 1. The truth hurts, but its gotta be said. They get free food guns and ammo. Oh wait, thats the Green Berets. It's said these were 'Hun Identified Flying Objects'. Navy Jokes 17. It was the first day of land nav so it was really just orienting us. It was one in ten dead. A vet. 85. He saluted and nearly chopped off his own head. Hey, buddy. On the field, at life. Dad: The first time I sent some private to find batteries for the chem lights. Q: Did you hear that Army just bought twenty new septic tanks?A: Yeah, and Army coach says as soon as they learn to drive them, they're gonna invade Annapolis. 60. Next I had to cross an open field with the wire, so of course that meant low-crawling 1/10 mile so that I wasn't exposed to "enemy snipers", With the heat, humidity, that damned "snowmobile suit" MOPP outfit, and difficulty breathing through my mask, I fell asleep halfway across the field! The bad thing was it wasn't even my point some A-hole put a cem light on a tree. Hence, the Army will post guards in specific vulnerable areas. Where are you getting all those anchors from?, From the same place youre getting your storms, sir.. "We played for Army. A general calls a colonel: Do you have a couple of smart majors? She is fond of classic British literature. A degree. Ill SEAL you later. A seasoned veteran. I can't see it!". The admiral shouted, Hey, dont put that stuff on me! Ukrainian army from the 43rd Heavy . I mean, you dont see this badass Navy Seal wearing an Army uniform when hes in need, do you? Q: Do you know why the Army football team should change its name to the "Opossums"?A: Because they play dead at home and get killed on the road. The Soldier kicked off his shoes, wiggled his toes and was settling in when the Marine in . An army of dragons destroyed and consumed everything in their path. A LOOtenant! What would you say if a soldier accidentally put some horrible paint on the left side of his face? 64. BootCamp quotes and jokes - pinterest.com 20+ Hilarious Navy Jokes And Puns! | LaffGaff The Army is the branch that fights on land, the Navy and Marines are the ones that fight on water, and the Air Force fights in the air. -The platoon sergeant looks up and says, When you see all the stars in the sky, what do you think, sir?. When a woman talks dirty to a military man, it's $3.95 a minute. In the army. Funniest Military Jokes | Funny Army Humor & Puns - Ranker The captain gets on the loud-hailer and shouts, Ahoy, small craft. Wait a minute, is everyone married? I guess he is a seasoned veteran now. 12. The Best Military Jokes: Jokes for Every Branch - Reader's Digest 71. Why does the Norway navy have barcodes on the side of their boats? 81. Blending in with their surroundings is what the entire Army does best. Thank you very much, Sir, replies the soldier. As a 33, I had plenty of experience with radios, not so much with running field wire for telephones. 55. Search for friends from your Unit in the Military Units section (Members who have registered under each Military Unit will be displayed for you to browse). What should have been the day we chose to celebrate World Military Day? Was looking for the best candidate to fill a spot on a field team. However, it has lately been used to mock gun restrictions and confiscation threats. Miss Muffet once led an army battalion to Syria, which failed. Well I have. A job well done. 68. U.S. Army Soldiers attending the Special Forces Qualification Course conduct tactical combat skills training at Fort Bragg, N.C. 3. Funny Defence Cuts. What does ARMY stand for? During training exercises, the Lieutenant who was driving down a muddy back road encountered another car stuck in the mud with a red-faced Colonel at the wheel. 94. A: Yeah, and Army coach says as soon as they learn to drive them, theyre gonna invade Annapolis. What do you call someone who just got run over by a tank? see no nationality has been spared humiliation, and the army, navy and air. I found the supply SGT and he told me they were F-ing with me. "We don't have pilots in the Army, son," said the colonel. Ideas for the top 17 navy jokes were taken from the following sources. Q: Why does the Iraqi Navy have glass bottom boats? What would you call the baby that was born on an Air Force plane? What military branch is the favorite of the horses? It was the luft-waffle. I once got both my arms shot off when I was serving. As they go to bed for the night, the first sergeant said: Sir, look up into the sky and tell me what you see?, The commander said: I see millions of stars., Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. didn't do anything to improve our working relationship. What would you call it if a soldier saves something? The Army coach gave his Army football team a few days off. 45. Military Jokes | Funny Clean Jokes | AJokeADay.com The first thing that the pigs learn when they join the Army is 'ham to ham combat'. Well, it was over 90degrees F and 90% humidity, and some SOB raised the NBC level to the max. 90. 92. Marine: Yeah, it probably would look nicer if the guy whose job it was to plant the trees didnt call in sick today. What would you call the soldier who's good at caring for animals? Have you heard about the karate champion who joined the navy? Just found out what exam results you need to join the navy. Here you'll get the best of puns with these Army, Air Force, and military references.